Why me? Why is it always me who must be the magnet? The magnet for witnessing shady people get their kink on in public places?
This has happened on more than one occasion now.
The most recent one having happened last night. So a friend and myself had a craving for some fluffy Ihop waffles and coffee at 12.30am. Thinking that we had been there before at 3.30/4am a few weekends ago and recalling a poster on the window that said Open 24 hours, so we assumed that it would be open even then, right?
Wrong.
We reached Ihop only to discover that it was closed and the 24 hour poster had some fine print underneath stating open 24 hours on the weekends and not during the week as we had previously thought. A bit disheartened, but with determination to not give up on our waffle/coffee craving, we decided to make our way to Denny's. Our conversation on the drive there alone should have foreboded what was to come.
My friend had asked me if Denny's would be open that late at night. I never having been to one didn't know, but I said that it should be because they are always placed near those rest stops for truckers along the highway. This conversation then deviated to truckers, reststops, and the classic scene from Something About Mary where after having picked up a crazy stray hitchhiker, Ben Stiller is a bit creeped out by this hitchhiker but he is too nice of a guy. So he says that he needs to go piss and pulls into a very dark trucker reststop (about which his friend warned him about earlier in the movie).
Just as Ben stops the car, the reststop is ambushed by several cop cars that light up the rest stop with their painfully bright headbeams exposing all the truckers who were engaged in carnal pleasures with one another out in the field and are caught suddenly like a herd of deer. A herd of very kinky horny deer. Ben being in the wrong place at the wrong time gets arrested and taken into custody for further interrogation.
Anyway, back to my story which is more important.
So we make our way to Denny's which was thankfully open and pretty busy for that time of night. My friend picks a table next to the window near his car, but with his back towards it. After we had started on our food, I noticed a questionable dazed-looking guy who was walking outside the window a few feet away from where we were sitting and my prior experience in downtown Oakland has taught me how to identify these folks. I even commented outloud to my friend about the guy who I am going to refer from here on out to as Dazed&Desperate.
Not 5 minutes after, there is another guy who was leaving - and I am going to refer to guy number 2 as SugarDaddy. SugarDaddy steps outside about to pass Dazed&Desperate and apparently Dazed&Desperate asks this other guy for money. Now a few possible scenarios may have occurred here and I don't know which one is true.
A) Either SugarDaddy declined to give Dazed&Desperate any money but Dazed&Desperate persisted saying that he'll return it with a sexual favor
or
B) SugarDaddy declined, Dazed&Desperate persisted and SugarDaddy out of the kind warm generosity of his heart said "Oh...alright. Fine. " and Dazed&Desperate was so happy that he insisted he return this generosity with a sexual favor.
or
C) SugarDaddy took the money out, but then figured that he will give him the money in exchange for a sexual favor and asked Dazed&Desperate if he was willing to make this exchange.
Either way, what happened next was that as I was finishing up my hash brown and about to start on my waffle, All i know is that Dazed&Desperate (whose back was to me) is suddenly bending over, and it was his asscrack that first caught my peripheral vision. I commented to my friend "hey look, butt crack of dawn" but clearly didn't even finish thinking as to why Dazed&Desperate is suddenly bending over and staying in that position whereas SugarDaddy was standing up straight facing him but of course, the realization hit almost simultaneously and in a few minutes, I saw Dazed&Desperate receiving his money and then a separation of ways between the two. The group of guys sitting behind me apparently caught what happened, too.
The best part about all this was that it took place in front of my friend's car.
Now, because my life is so very interesting, this had not been all and there was yet more to happen to complete my innocent late night outing.
After exiting Denny's, my friend and I were walking towards his car but curiosity got the best of me so I walked ahead of the passenger side of the car to investigate the ground to see if there were any traces left of this business exchange we had witnessed.
The guys sitting in the table behind began us suddenly stopped to look at me walking around investigating. After seeing this, I stopped and got back into my friend's car but the guys kept staring - but then the guy with his back to the car also got up to get a better visual of where I was and what I had been doing. In slight embarrassment and wanting to be out of their line of sight, I buried my head in my hands then hunched over in my seat as my friend started his car and began to pull out...not realizing the further impact it would have. I only dug myself deeper because now the guys could not stop staring at all and were trying to see why I had suddenly disappeared out of sight into the lower half of the vehicle which probably kicked their own imagination into high gear resulting in many many impure thoughts. My only consolation is "thank god they didn't catch that on camera"
The other incident that I recall was when I used to go to art/design school and resided in downtown Oakland. Most shops and restaurants would shut down pretty early because Oakland didn't have a good reputation, but there used to be a quaint little retro-themed bakery/restaurant/ice cream parlor across on the other side of Lake Merrit. It was creatively called Lake Meritt Bakery and was located some minutes away. One night at 1.30/2am, my distraught friend who needed to talk drove over and we went to Lake Merrit bakery to continue our conversation. There were no other customers seated there apart from him and myself, and this other eccentrically dress pimp daddy guy seated diagonally behind my friend out of his line of sight.
As my friend was speaking and I was eating, I notice in my peripheral vision that PimpDaddy was engaged in some quick up/down motions being made beneath the table by his left hand. I tried very hard to focus on what my friend was saying and not PimpDaddy but it was tough but in this case I didn't bother interrupting my friend because he was on a roll. Some moments later, PimpDaddy got up and exited the premises.
And if only I could have a dime for all the times I've seen a woman (or what appeared to be woman-like) in the front passenger side bent over a guy in the drivers' side of the vehicle...I would be considerably richer.
So you see? Clearly I am a magnet for these instances of witness late night kinkyness in public spaces.
Not even the TV is safe. In one of the rarest rare occassions that I was watching TV at home, I was trying to flip through the channels to find something worth watching while waiting for a show to start. Suddenly my then 14 year old brother walks into the room and asks what am I watching. So I said "I'm flipping through the channels trying to find something" and as I proceeded to flip through the channels...I kid you not - right then, I flip through all sorts of inappropriate scenes. It was like all the channels on TV at that moment in time were suddenly showing some inappropriate soft porn sexual content.
Very awkward.
This has happened on more than one occasion now.
The most recent one having happened last night. So a friend and myself had a craving for some fluffy Ihop waffles and coffee at 12.30am. Thinking that we had been there before at 3.30/4am a few weekends ago and recalling a poster on the window that said Open 24 hours, so we assumed that it would be open even then, right?
Wrong.
We reached Ihop only to discover that it was closed and the 24 hour poster had some fine print underneath stating open 24 hours on the weekends and not during the week as we had previously thought. A bit disheartened, but with determination to not give up on our waffle/coffee craving, we decided to make our way to Denny's. Our conversation on the drive there alone should have foreboded what was to come.
My friend had asked me if Denny's would be open that late at night. I never having been to one didn't know, but I said that it should be because they are always placed near those rest stops for truckers along the highway. This conversation then deviated to truckers, reststops, and the classic scene from Something About Mary where after having picked up a crazy stray hitchhiker, Ben Stiller is a bit creeped out by this hitchhiker but he is too nice of a guy. So he says that he needs to go piss and pulls into a very dark trucker reststop (about which his friend warned him about earlier in the movie).
Just as Ben stops the car, the reststop is ambushed by several cop cars that light up the rest stop with their painfully bright headbeams exposing all the truckers who were engaged in carnal pleasures with one another out in the field and are caught suddenly like a herd of deer. A herd of very kinky horny deer. Ben being in the wrong place at the wrong time gets arrested and taken into custody for further interrogation.
Anyway, back to my story which is more important.
So we make our way to Denny's which was thankfully open and pretty busy for that time of night. My friend picks a table next to the window near his car, but with his back towards it. After we had started on our food, I noticed a questionable dazed-looking guy who was walking outside the window a few feet away from where we were sitting and my prior experience in downtown Oakland has taught me how to identify these folks. I even commented outloud to my friend about the guy who I am going to refer from here on out to as Dazed&Desperate.
Not 5 minutes after, there is another guy who was leaving - and I am going to refer to guy number 2 as SugarDaddy. SugarDaddy steps outside about to pass Dazed&Desperate and apparently Dazed&Desperate asks this other guy for money. Now a few possible scenarios may have occurred here and I don't know which one is true.
A) Either SugarDaddy declined to give Dazed&Desperate any money but Dazed&Desperate persisted saying that he'll return it with a sexual favor
or
B) SugarDaddy declined, Dazed&Desperate persisted and SugarDaddy out of the kind warm generosity of his heart said "Oh...alright. Fine. " and Dazed&Desperate was so happy that he insisted he return this generosity with a sexual favor.
or
C) SugarDaddy took the money out, but then figured that he will give him the money in exchange for a sexual favor and asked Dazed&Desperate if he was willing to make this exchange.
Either way, what happened next was that as I was finishing up my hash brown and about to start on my waffle, All i know is that Dazed&Desperate (whose back was to me) is suddenly bending over, and it was his asscrack that first caught my peripheral vision. I commented to my friend "hey look, butt crack of dawn" but clearly didn't even finish thinking as to why Dazed&Desperate is suddenly bending over and staying in that position whereas SugarDaddy was standing up straight facing him but of course, the realization hit almost simultaneously and in a few minutes, I saw Dazed&Desperate receiving his money and then a separation of ways between the two. The group of guys sitting behind me apparently caught what happened, too.
The best part about all this was that it took place in front of my friend's car.
Now, because my life is so very interesting, this had not been all and there was yet more to happen to complete my innocent late night outing.
After exiting Denny's, my friend and I were walking towards his car but curiosity got the best of me so I walked ahead of the passenger side of the car to investigate the ground to see if there were any traces left of this business exchange we had witnessed.
The guys sitting in the table behind began us suddenly stopped to look at me walking around investigating. After seeing this, I stopped and got back into my friend's car but the guys kept staring - but then the guy with his back to the car also got up to get a better visual of where I was and what I had been doing. In slight embarrassment and wanting to be out of their line of sight, I buried my head in my hands then hunched over in my seat as my friend started his car and began to pull out...not realizing the further impact it would have. I only dug myself deeper because now the guys could not stop staring at all and were trying to see why I had suddenly disappeared out of sight into the lower half of the vehicle which probably kicked their own imagination into high gear resulting in many many impure thoughts. My only consolation is "thank god they didn't catch that on camera"
The other incident that I recall was when I used to go to art/design school and resided in downtown Oakland. Most shops and restaurants would shut down pretty early because Oakland didn't have a good reputation, but there used to be a quaint little retro-themed bakery/restaurant/ice cream parlor across on the other side of Lake Merrit. It was creatively called Lake Meritt Bakery and was located some minutes away. One night at 1.30/2am, my distraught friend who needed to talk drove over and we went to Lake Merrit bakery to continue our conversation. There were no other customers seated there apart from him and myself, and this other eccentrically dress pimp daddy guy seated diagonally behind my friend out of his line of sight.
As my friend was speaking and I was eating, I notice in my peripheral vision that PimpDaddy was engaged in some quick up/down motions being made beneath the table by his left hand. I tried very hard to focus on what my friend was saying and not PimpDaddy but it was tough but in this case I didn't bother interrupting my friend because he was on a roll. Some moments later, PimpDaddy got up and exited the premises.
And if only I could have a dime for all the times I've seen a woman (or what appeared to be woman-like) in the front passenger side bent over a guy in the drivers' side of the vehicle...I would be considerably richer.
So you see? Clearly I am a magnet for these instances of witness late night kinkyness in public spaces.
Not even the TV is safe. In one of the rarest rare occassions that I was watching TV at home, I was trying to flip through the channels to find something worth watching while waiting for a show to start. Suddenly my then 14 year old brother walks into the room and asks what am I watching. So I said "I'm flipping through the channels trying to find something" and as I proceeded to flip through the channels...I kid you not - right then, I flip through all sorts of inappropriate scenes. It was like all the channels on TV at that moment in time were suddenly showing some inappropriate soft porn sexual content.
Very awkward.
1 comment:
I am so glad I do not have to wash my car again...
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