So during my period of unemployment, I had made it a point to try to keep myself busy and learning so I don't let this time be completely wasted since I really don't enjoy feeling like a bum most of the time.
I had signed myself up for two summer sessions very basic courses in Flash and Dreamweaver at a nearby community college. Since they were summer sessions, they would be very fast paced as it is concentrated within a period of 6 weeks. I have been teaching myself a bit more about these programs here and there, but I figured I should take a proper course to get a better overview of things updated in the CS3 Creative Suite, and hopefully it would include the latest/greatest tricks of the new CS3 versions. Since I have some personal projects of my own which I would like to pursue and put into action later this year, ones that focus on services/networking through the website, I figured why not?
However, keeping in mind that no emails or other notifications have been sent, I made my way over to the college and guess what?
Flash classes are canceled to the disappointment of myself and 20 others. No. Not a single student was made aware,. Infact, this announcement had been made only after everyone had been waiting outside the original designated classroom for the prior class to be dismissed... and the excuse? Very unclear. The Dean who came by to make the announcement pretty much went down a list of what seemed like potential excuses, and I along with the others doubt either was actually the accurate one. Conclusively, my choice currently are:
A) To wait until Fall to take the course for which I cannot enroll for until July
B) To see if I can transfer into the already full Distance Learning (DL) class which another disappointed guy discouraged me to do because he himself had taken a DL software program course 8 years ago and it just doesn't convey the material as well as a present instructor does. I agree with this myself, because if I had infact wanted to do a DL course instead, then I may as well have continued to teach myself via online tutorials. If I am paying the full amount of the course, I may as well have a person present to actually show and teach
C) Continue to teach myself via the abundance of resources of online tutorials
As for the Dreamweaver class, I came to find out that the version they had been teaching up till now was the Macromedia 2004 version. Super obsolete. However, the CS3 version will be taught starting this Fall. Wow. I had assumed it would be CS3 if not some other recent version. What's the point in teaching an obsolete software program? I will definitely have to drop that one and see if I can take it during the Fall instead else it would be completely pointless.
On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if this means that perhaps there's a job offer on the horizon which would have meant that I would have had to drop out of these courses anyhow. I guess will have to wait and see if the Universe is finally done bitchslapping me with bad luck, yet, or not.
At least I have my sabudana vadas to look forward to <3
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Old But Gold: Mahna Mahna - The Muppets
One of the most popular Muppet Songs - Mahna Mahna that is just ridiculously catchy. Needless to say, it is one of my faves, and best sung in a slow-moving elevator.
Friday, June 27, 2008
M.C. Cain in Da House! Werd.
Bahahahahah!
LYRICS
My fellow Americans. This is DJ GW. They say I can't be big chief no more. Well, okay. I got the bestest candidate to take my place. His name is:
M.C. Cain
Yes John McCain
He's Indiana Jones meets GI Jane
M.C. Cain
Yes we Cain!
A Natural Born Leader like Saddam Housain
MC Cain in the house (I'm a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain! And He's here to represent, cause he
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (TRICK!)
I'm 71, and I'm pure white chocolate /
Dropped Vietnam Bombs right from my cockpit,
Got caught up, was a prisoner of war, / now
THAT's an inconvenient truth, suck it Al Gore! / Your
Warming Globe is a sissy distraction / from the
Main attraction / we're slappin' Iraq, son! /
Bringing the pain / our military is stayin' / til
Iraq's national choir starts singin' my name I aim
MC Cain in the house (I'm a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and he's here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House
He's Scottish and Irish, so my homeboy can't even get a tan
He'll keep us safe from Iraq, iGays and Iran
A Prisoner of War for 25 years
When he cries, he drops bombs, instead of tears.
I'm
MC Cain in the house (He's a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and I'm here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (TRICK!)
MC Cain in the house (He's a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and I'm here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (PEACE!)
LYRICS
My fellow Americans. This is DJ GW. They say I can't be big chief no more. Well, okay. I got the bestest candidate to take my place. His name is:
M.C. Cain
Yes John McCain
He's Indiana Jones meets GI Jane
M.C. Cain
Yes we Cain!
A Natural Born Leader like Saddam Housain
MC Cain in the house (I'm a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain! And He's here to represent, cause he
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (TRICK!)
I'm 71, and I'm pure white chocolate /
Dropped Vietnam Bombs right from my cockpit,
Got caught up, was a prisoner of war, / now
THAT's an inconvenient truth, suck it Al Gore! / Your
Warming Globe is a sissy distraction / from the
Main attraction / we're slappin' Iraq, son! /
Bringing the pain / our military is stayin' / til
Iraq's national choir starts singin' my name I aim
MC Cain in the house (I'm a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and he's here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House
He's Scottish and Irish, so my homeboy can't even get a tan
He'll keep us safe from Iraq, iGays and Iran
A Prisoner of War for 25 years
When he cries, he drops bombs, instead of tears.
I'm
MC Cain in the house (He's a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and I'm here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (TRICK!)
MC Cain in the house (He's a SENATOR!!!)
MC Cain and I'm here to represent, cause I
Got well trained in the House (of REPRESENTATIVES)
Bout to keep it White in the White House (PEACE!)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Old But Gold: The Travails of Single South Indian Men...
One of the best blog articles I have ever come across on the Internet regarding the "agony of long complex names" plaguing the lives South Indian men. And you people with your lungis tied too tight: I have nothing against Southies, so just take the article in good humor. Or not. Doesn't really make much of a difference either way.
---Begin Blog Article ---"The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing" or "Why we don't get any..."
Originally Posted by Sidin in his Blog back in 2004
Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of South Indian men. What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere Mallus and Tamils? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)
Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy. His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes. Along with all the girls.
Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.
If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous Northie hormone tanks. Picture this: "Welcome, and this is my family. This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er.. hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.
Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there. However the Northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention. The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney? When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just disappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. They have all rematerialised around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.)
How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and over sized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red t shirt and baggy khaki pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".
Sociologically too the Tamil or Mallu man is severely sidelined. An average Tamil stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children. Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The Mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.
Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the Southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But Amma has said only on second saturdays..."
In one last effort here we attractive young men have taken on alter egos which may interest some of you women:
1. Gautam Kumar Raja, will now be known as Joshua Perreira
2. Sidin Sunny Vadukut, henceforth will be known as Dev Chopra
3. Ashwath Venkataraman is now Vijay Desai
4. Sudarshan Ramakrishnan no more, from now he is Barath Sharma
5. Gautam Chandrasekharan will now respond to Alyque Shah
Do mail me any time for a meeting with one of the above. One week notice if Italian or Chinese food is involved, or if the individual is expected to dance.
My 'Northie' tastebuds are suckers for South Indian food
(And no. No sexual innuendos here. Sorry.)
This includes poppadums, coconut chutney, peanut chutney, dosas, upma, poha, rasam, uttapum, idlis, sambar, chana batura, and anything that the mind is forgetting to mention.
Yeah.
I'm just saying.
I wouldn't mind sharing or swapping lunch, if you know what I mean.
(No. Still no sexual innuendos waiting to be decryptopervulated, you perv.)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
An *Attempted* Ode to my Wonder Years Crush
Despite all these years, my hots for Steve Urkel from Family Matters have not faded one bit. Yes, I know some people may be surprised to learn this, I can see eyebrows raising, jaws dropping. But let me clarify all the solid characteristics that Steve always adhered to which made him a winner in my books.
He's disgustingly smart
He's inventive
He's irresistably sexy
Those eyes. Yes, all 4 of them
He's got a wicked sense of humor
He knows just what to say
He knows how to appreciate you
He can be serious
He's got wit
He's got style
He doesn't let his ego get in the way of doing the right thing
He's a family man
He's persistent
He is consistent
He truly knows how to treat the ladies
He can cook
He optimistic
He's got confidence
He's emotionally stable
He's not afraid to express his feelings
Even if it made him look vulnerable
Even if it got his ass kicked
AND such incredible morals!
Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race.
Laura: What are you talkin' about?
Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here.
Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all.
Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper.
Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her.
Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all.
Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip.
Laura: You wouldn't dare.
Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture.
Steve Urkel: Why you...
[Both leave laughing]
Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman!
Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE!
Steve Urkel: Wha-at?
Laura: Will you calm down?
Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you!
Laura: I know!
Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get?
Wow Steve. Men like him were limited editions. They are just not made anymore. And now for some words of wisdom from Steve. Take notes, people, take notes!
Laura: Well, Steve, I’ve been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn’t turn right around and refuse to go out with him.
Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade!
Laura: Well, that’s because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego.
Steve Urkel: Well, isn’t that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I’m getting penalized because I’m emotionally stable!
Seasons later, moral of the story came to pass that he got the girl. Oh, that's the one I forgot to list...
He's an inspiration. Truly.
Apart from inspiring me to wear oversized pants minus the suspenders with belts to hold them up along with a very distinguished striped shirt, Steve teaches one to have the faith and determination, to believe in themselves and their emotions and not a single person, thing, or little rejection could sway him out of it.
He's inventive
He's irresistably sexy
Those eyes. Yes, all 4 of them
He's got a wicked sense of humor
He knows just what to say
He knows how to appreciate you
He can be serious
He's got wit
He's got style
He doesn't let his ego get in the way of doing the right thing
He's a family man
He's persistent
He is consistent
He truly knows how to treat the ladies
He can cook
He optimistic
He's got confidence
He's emotionally stable
He's not afraid to express his feelings
Even if it made him look vulnerable
Even if it got his ass kicked
AND such incredible morals!
Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race.
Laura: What are you talkin' about?
Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here.
Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all.
Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper.
Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her.
Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all.
Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip.
Laura: You wouldn't dare.
Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture.
Steve Urkel: Why you...
[Both leave laughing]
Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman!
Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE!
Steve Urkel: Wha-at?
Laura: Will you calm down?
Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you!
Laura: I know!
Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get?
Wow Steve. Men like him were limited editions. They are just not made anymore. And now for some words of wisdom from Steve. Take notes, people, take notes!
Laura: Well, Steve, I’ve been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn’t turn right around and refuse to go out with him.
Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade!
Laura: Well, that’s because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego.
Steve Urkel: Well, isn’t that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I’m getting penalized because I’m emotionally stable!
Seasons later, moral of the story came to pass that he got the girl. Oh, that's the one I forgot to list...
Apart from inspiring me to wear oversized pants minus the suspenders with belts to hold them up along with a very distinguished striped shirt, Steve teaches one to have the faith and determination, to believe in themselves and their emotions and not a single person, thing, or little rejection could sway him out of it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Peddling Crack for the Ears: Madonna's 'Devil Wouldn't Recognize You'
Eternally badass Madonna does it again.
LYRICS
As quiet as it is tonight
You almost think you were safe
Your eyes are full of surprises
They cannot predict my fate
Waiting underneath the stars
There's something you should know
The angels they surround my heart
Telling me to let you go
I bet he couldn't
I bet he couldn't recognize
But I played right into it
Who am I to criticize
Somehow I'll get through it
And you won't even realize
Falling through your own disguise
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
And now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
I do, I do
You almost fooled yourself this time
Let all the saints be praised
You hide your sadness behind your smile
And you keep your lost heartbreaks
The steps that edge along the ledge
Is much higher than it seems
But I've been on that ledge before
You can't hide yourself from me
I bet he couldn't
I bet he couldn't recognize
I still played right into it
Who am I to criticize
Somehow I'll get through it
And you won't even realize
Falling through your own disguise
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
And now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
I do, I do
Ooh...
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
Now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, you...
(but I do, but I do)
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you
I, I, I, I, I, I do
LYRICS
As quiet as it is tonight
You almost think you were safe
Your eyes are full of surprises
They cannot predict my fate
Waiting underneath the stars
There's something you should know
The angels they surround my heart
Telling me to let you go
I bet he couldn't
I bet he couldn't recognize
But I played right into it
Who am I to criticize
Somehow I'll get through it
And you won't even realize
Falling through your own disguise
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
And now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
I do, I do
You almost fooled yourself this time
Let all the saints be praised
You hide your sadness behind your smile
And you keep your lost heartbreaks
The steps that edge along the ledge
Is much higher than it seems
But I've been on that ledge before
You can't hide yourself from me
I bet he couldn't
I bet he couldn't recognize
I still played right into it
Who am I to criticize
Somehow I'll get through it
And you won't even realize
Falling through your own disguise
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
And now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, but I do
I do, I do
Ooh...
It's like over and over
You're pushing me right down to the floor
I should just walk away
Over and over I keep on coming back for more
I play into your fantasy
Now that it's over
You can lie to me right through your smile
I've seen behind your eyes
Now I'm sober, no more intoxicating my mind
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you, you...
(but I do, but I do)
Even the devil wouldn't recognize you
I, I, I, I, I, I do
Monday, June 23, 2008
Old but Gold - Why Guys Don't Write Advice Columns
Dear Smarty Pants:
The other day I set off for work and left my husband in the house watching the TV. I had gone about a mile from the house when my engine started coughing and conked out. I walked back home only to find out that my husband was making love to our neighbor. My husband is out of work and says that he is depressed. I love my husband but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?
Sincerely
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated
A car can stall because of a variety of reasons. There can be debris in the fuel line or the fuel pump itself could be faulty. The computer can be out of whack or the water pump may have broken. To find the exact cause of the failure you should find a reputable mechanic in your area.
I hope this helps
The other day I set off for work and left my husband in the house watching the TV. I had gone about a mile from the house when my engine started coughing and conked out. I walked back home only to find out that my husband was making love to our neighbor. My husband is out of work and says that he is depressed. I love my husband but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?
Sincerely
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated
A car can stall because of a variety of reasons. There can be debris in the fuel line or the fuel pump itself could be faulty. The computer can be out of whack or the water pump may have broken. To find the exact cause of the failure you should find a reputable mechanic in your area.
I hope this helps
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Genuine FTW!!! (For The Win)
So someone brought this article to my attention which spurred an interesting conversation about one of my favorite topics - the dysfunctional dating rituals of men and women.
Before I continue, let me just paste the text from the article below:
---- BEGIN ARTICLE ----
Dating Secrets Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last
By April Masini
Before I continue, let me just paste the text from the article below:
---- BEGIN ARTICLE ----
Dating Secrets Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last
By April Masini
Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy -- the one who barely appears interested in the girl -- is usually the one who gets the girl?
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.
First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way.
What I'm suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.
To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.
Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it's outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.
Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.
The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.
---- END ARTICLE ----
But do either parties really understand the underlying concept behind this?
Is it as Freud tried to explain - because women by nature are 'submissive' and are supposed to gravitate towards a guy who mistreats them as being worthless?
Does a guy then go deviate away from his true self to mistreat a woman because it shows that he is confident?
What is being interpreted as mistreatment anyway? Is mistreatment the capacity to say no to doing something someone is genuinely not interested in?
Does ignoring your true expectations to put on a mask of being "nice" give someone leverage over the situation? Does it oblige the other party into compromising and agreeing? Isn't this then just another form of exerting control as subtle as it is?
Now a response to this article that someone made...which is awesome was
"Expecting a woman to fuck you because you're a nice guy is like expecting a bear not to eat you because you're a vegetarian."
This article was actually a pretty controversial article in my mind because it is so half-baked. Though it brought up a few good points which I agree with, it's too bad that this "exposing insight" frames the entire fault here as being on the guy who is being nice. It fails to mention and clarify a few other points.
Being nice if you are being genuine about it is not a problem. Of course, if you are being genuine, then you most likely are not always a goody goody nice person all the time. There tends to be a balance.
To me, this article ought to have highlighted and explained more about having a genuine sense of self, knowing what you want, adhering to it and not settling for anything less. If you are willing to let someone else determine this and dictate it for you - even if it's your significant other or your parents, then that's where problems begin to really occur. If one tries to please too many people and are operating under a misguided conception that they are being "selfless because they love" and "a good noble person about it" whereas it ultimately ends up not satisfying you completely despite the attempts to convince yourself that it is "enough". The expectations for reciprocation are still definitely there, even if they remain unsaid. Instead, by continuing down that path, they already begin to set their roles for the prospective relationship even before it has begun.
Another important point that I felt this article could have highlighted is the question of emotional maturity. If someone is too emotionally immature to understand and appreciate the value of a person who is genuine (NOTE: I said genuine. Not "nice" because it is useless if it requires facades or filters..but genuine in the sense of consistently being upfront and honest - through and through because THIS is what shows confidence and comfort with their own individuality but they don't necessarily have to be an asshole about it). Anyway, back to point.
It's rare for emotionally immature people to ever get to the point where they can truly appreciate someone's worth no matter what you do. Even the 'hard to get' chase games become pointless because you have to fuel the chase which is what they're really buying into and the best it can afford is the desired person's temporary interest in you.
Usually, if the pursuer must have to play tons of games to win someone's affection, then it usually means that the pursuer has to keep up and continue playing those games in order to keep a hold on that affection, or risk losing the desired individual's interest altogether - which is inevitable in most cases. But of course, there are a few exceptions where once the desired individual's interest has been won over, then they have the maturity to realize that the person who pursued them is a keeper and will understand/respect it enough to continue a relationship.
I love the extremities which occur when it comes to both men and women. There are the people who are nice to a fault - who will say yes to everything and dismiss it by convincing themselves that "oh boo hoo, look i gave them everything, and how did they repay me?" as depicting themselves to be "noble, selfless, and good"...well, if they REALLY had done those things out of the goodness of their heart and without expectation - then logically, they would not be so disappointed.
Accept the fact that you have a degree of expectations from people and not everyone can conform to those expectations. What you decide to do with them after this is up to you. It's human. It's normal. It's FINE to have expectations for yourselves. Even a basic thing like 'respect' is also an expectation that you feel you deserve from people. Accept that it is and do not settle for anything less than that or else you will be just lying to yourself about being satisfied. It shows sooner or later.
Then you also get those people who emphasize their assholish side under the notion that this means they have enough confidence to know what they want and will treat everything else like a lesser priority (aka shit). The amusing part is when they try to emphasize their assholish sides to win over the woman's affections.
If someone is a good judge of character, then they will ultimately be able to call out your bluff fairly early on whether its about you being superficially nice or being superficially assholish... because conclusively, if you are not being genuine then you are not being true to yourself, your actions are reflecting that you are not being true to yourself, and you project yourself as being someone that you are not just to attract someone's attention and please them into giving you a chance. Personally, I as an individual and a woman do not respect this trait and nor do I gravitate towards it. I find it untrustworthy, erratic, distasteful and even repulsive. I also notice that these people attract a strange variety of manipulative control freaks who will try their best to mold them into what THEY see as being fit. Not a great thing to go through, but hell, people go with it because it 'eases their lonliness' even if it's at the cost of their own sense of self and peace of mind.
Sure, you may try your luck at fooling people and even get away with it for a bit, but reality sets in inevitably, you will revert back to being who you truly are and sooner or later, this must be both confronted and accepted.
You're eventually gonna be screwed if you deviate away from being yourself. So please people, before anything, just realize your true sense of self, accept what it is that it wants, and adhere to it. Be genuine. If you cannot even be genuine to yourselves, how can you expect others to be genuine to you?
No wonder there are so many failed marriages at this day and age!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Peddling Crack for the Ears: The Birthday Massacre's 'Unfamiliar'
A Final Fantasy AMV to Birthday Massacre's loopworthy song - Unfamiliar.
LYRICS:
Lately,
Nothing passes lightly.
A heavy hand is holding me down -
A breeze is just an unfamiliar sound, to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Lately,
Nothing passes by me.
And every hand is pulling me down -
And praise is just an unfamiliar sound, to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Ooo, Just close the door -
It's all coming back.
Ooo, Just close the door -
'Cause it's all coming back.
All this meaningless direction
feels like it pulls me away.
It's hard to just forget
what they say - to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
LYRICS:
Lately,
Nothing passes lightly.
A heavy hand is holding me down -
A breeze is just an unfamiliar sound, to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Lately,
Nothing passes by me.
And every hand is pulling me down -
And praise is just an unfamiliar sound, to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Ooo, Just close the door -
It's all coming back.
Ooo, Just close the door -
'Cause it's all coming back.
All this meaningless direction
feels like it pulls me away.
It's hard to just forget
what they say - to me.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back to me.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Just close the door,
It's all coming back.
Be still my heart,
'Cause it's all coming back.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Witnessing Late Night Kinkyness in Public Spaces
Why me? Why is it always me who must be the magnet? The magnet for witnessing shady people get their kink on in public places?
This has happened on more than one occasion now.
The most recent one having happened last night. So a friend and myself had a craving for some fluffy Ihop waffles and coffee at 12.30am. Thinking that we had been there before at 3.30/4am a few weekends ago and recalling a poster on the window that said Open 24 hours, so we assumed that it would be open even then, right?
Wrong.
We reached Ihop only to discover that it was closed and the 24 hour poster had some fine print underneath stating open 24 hours on the weekends and not during the week as we had previously thought. A bit disheartened, but with determination to not give up on our waffle/coffee craving, we decided to make our way to Denny's. Our conversation on the drive there alone should have foreboded what was to come.
My friend had asked me if Denny's would be open that late at night. I never having been to one didn't know, but I said that it should be because they are always placed near those rest stops for truckers along the highway. This conversation then deviated to truckers, reststops, and the classic scene from Something About Mary where after having picked up a crazy stray hitchhiker, Ben Stiller is a bit creeped out by this hitchhiker but he is too nice of a guy. So he says that he needs to go piss and pulls into a very dark trucker reststop (about which his friend warned him about earlier in the movie).
Just as Ben stops the car, the reststop is ambushed by several cop cars that light up the rest stop with their painfully bright headbeams exposing all the truckers who were engaged in carnal pleasures with one another out in the field and are caught suddenly like a herd of deer. A herd of very kinky horny deer. Ben being in the wrong place at the wrong time gets arrested and taken into custody for further interrogation.
Anyway, back to my story which is more important.
So we make our way to Denny's which was thankfully open and pretty busy for that time of night. My friend picks a table next to the window near his car, but with his back towards it. After we had started on our food, I noticed a questionable dazed-looking guy who was walking outside the window a few feet away from where we were sitting and my prior experience in downtown Oakland has taught me how to identify these folks. I even commented outloud to my friend about the guy who I am going to refer from here on out to as Dazed&Desperate.
Not 5 minutes after, there is another guy who was leaving - and I am going to refer to guy number 2 as SugarDaddy. SugarDaddy steps outside about to pass Dazed&Desperate and apparently Dazed&Desperate asks this other guy for money. Now a few possible scenarios may have occurred here and I don't know which one is true.
A) Either SugarDaddy declined to give Dazed&Desperate any money but Dazed&Desperate persisted saying that he'll return it with a sexual favor
or
B) SugarDaddy declined, Dazed&Desperate persisted and SugarDaddy out of the kind warm generosity of his heart said "Oh...alright. Fine. " and Dazed&Desperate was so happy that he insisted he return this generosity with a sexual favor.
or
C) SugarDaddy took the money out, but then figured that he will give him the money in exchange for a sexual favor and asked Dazed&Desperate if he was willing to make this exchange.
Either way, what happened next was that as I was finishing up my hash brown and about to start on my waffle, All i know is that Dazed&Desperate (whose back was to me) is suddenly bending over, and it was his asscrack that first caught my peripheral vision. I commented to my friend "hey look, butt crack of dawn" but clearly didn't even finish thinking as to why Dazed&Desperate is suddenly bending over and staying in that position whereas SugarDaddy was standing up straight facing him but of course, the realization hit almost simultaneously and in a few minutes, I saw Dazed&Desperate receiving his money and then a separation of ways between the two. The group of guys sitting behind me apparently caught what happened, too.
The best part about all this was that it took place in front of my friend's car.
Now, because my life is so very interesting, this had not been all and there was yet more to happen to complete my innocent late night outing.
After exiting Denny's, my friend and I were walking towards his car but curiosity got the best of me so I walked ahead of the passenger side of the car to investigate the ground to see if there were any traces left of this business exchange we had witnessed.
The guys sitting in the table behind began us suddenly stopped to look at me walking around investigating. After seeing this, I stopped and got back into my friend's car but the guys kept staring - but then the guy with his back to the car also got up to get a better visual of where I was and what I had been doing. In slight embarrassment and wanting to be out of their line of sight, I buried my head in my hands then hunched over in my seat as my friend started his car and began to pull out...not realizing the further impact it would have. I only dug myself deeper because now the guys could not stop staring at all and were trying to see why I had suddenly disappeared out of sight into the lower half of the vehicle which probably kicked their own imagination into high gear resulting in many many impure thoughts. My only consolation is "thank god they didn't catch that on camera"
The other incident that I recall was when I used to go to art/design school and resided in downtown Oakland. Most shops and restaurants would shut down pretty early because Oakland didn't have a good reputation, but there used to be a quaint little retro-themed bakery/restaurant/ice cream parlor across on the other side of Lake Merrit. It was creatively called Lake Meritt Bakery and was located some minutes away. One night at 1.30/2am, my distraught friend who needed to talk drove over and we went to Lake Merrit bakery to continue our conversation. There were no other customers seated there apart from him and myself, and this other eccentrically dress pimp daddy guy seated diagonally behind my friend out of his line of sight.
As my friend was speaking and I was eating, I notice in my peripheral vision that PimpDaddy was engaged in some quick up/down motions being made beneath the table by his left hand. I tried very hard to focus on what my friend was saying and not PimpDaddy but it was tough but in this case I didn't bother interrupting my friend because he was on a roll. Some moments later, PimpDaddy got up and exited the premises.
And if only I could have a dime for all the times I've seen a woman (or what appeared to be woman-like) in the front passenger side bent over a guy in the drivers' side of the vehicle...I would be considerably richer.
So you see? Clearly I am a magnet for these instances of witness late night kinkyness in public spaces.
Not even the TV is safe. In one of the rarest rare occassions that I was watching TV at home, I was trying to flip through the channels to find something worth watching while waiting for a show to start. Suddenly my then 14 year old brother walks into the room and asks what am I watching. So I said "I'm flipping through the channels trying to find something" and as I proceeded to flip through the channels...I kid you not - right then, I flip through all sorts of inappropriate scenes. It was like all the channels on TV at that moment in time were suddenly showing some inappropriate soft porn sexual content.
Very awkward.
This has happened on more than one occasion now.
The most recent one having happened last night. So a friend and myself had a craving for some fluffy Ihop waffles and coffee at 12.30am. Thinking that we had been there before at 3.30/4am a few weekends ago and recalling a poster on the window that said Open 24 hours, so we assumed that it would be open even then, right?
Wrong.
We reached Ihop only to discover that it was closed and the 24 hour poster had some fine print underneath stating open 24 hours on the weekends and not during the week as we had previously thought. A bit disheartened, but with determination to not give up on our waffle/coffee craving, we decided to make our way to Denny's. Our conversation on the drive there alone should have foreboded what was to come.
My friend had asked me if Denny's would be open that late at night. I never having been to one didn't know, but I said that it should be because they are always placed near those rest stops for truckers along the highway. This conversation then deviated to truckers, reststops, and the classic scene from Something About Mary where after having picked up a crazy stray hitchhiker, Ben Stiller is a bit creeped out by this hitchhiker but he is too nice of a guy. So he says that he needs to go piss and pulls into a very dark trucker reststop (about which his friend warned him about earlier in the movie).
Just as Ben stops the car, the reststop is ambushed by several cop cars that light up the rest stop with their painfully bright headbeams exposing all the truckers who were engaged in carnal pleasures with one another out in the field and are caught suddenly like a herd of deer. A herd of very kinky horny deer. Ben being in the wrong place at the wrong time gets arrested and taken into custody for further interrogation.
Anyway, back to my story which is more important.
So we make our way to Denny's which was thankfully open and pretty busy for that time of night. My friend picks a table next to the window near his car, but with his back towards it. After we had started on our food, I noticed a questionable dazed-looking guy who was walking outside the window a few feet away from where we were sitting and my prior experience in downtown Oakland has taught me how to identify these folks. I even commented outloud to my friend about the guy who I am going to refer from here on out to as Dazed&Desperate.
Not 5 minutes after, there is another guy who was leaving - and I am going to refer to guy number 2 as SugarDaddy. SugarDaddy steps outside about to pass Dazed&Desperate and apparently Dazed&Desperate asks this other guy for money. Now a few possible scenarios may have occurred here and I don't know which one is true.
A) Either SugarDaddy declined to give Dazed&Desperate any money but Dazed&Desperate persisted saying that he'll return it with a sexual favor
or
B) SugarDaddy declined, Dazed&Desperate persisted and SugarDaddy out of the kind warm generosity of his heart said "Oh...alright. Fine. " and Dazed&Desperate was so happy that he insisted he return this generosity with a sexual favor.
or
C) SugarDaddy took the money out, but then figured that he will give him the money in exchange for a sexual favor and asked Dazed&Desperate if he was willing to make this exchange.
Either way, what happened next was that as I was finishing up my hash brown and about to start on my waffle, All i know is that Dazed&Desperate (whose back was to me) is suddenly bending over, and it was his asscrack that first caught my peripheral vision. I commented to my friend "hey look, butt crack of dawn" but clearly didn't even finish thinking as to why Dazed&Desperate is suddenly bending over and staying in that position whereas SugarDaddy was standing up straight facing him but of course, the realization hit almost simultaneously and in a few minutes, I saw Dazed&Desperate receiving his money and then a separation of ways between the two. The group of guys sitting behind me apparently caught what happened, too.
The best part about all this was that it took place in front of my friend's car.
Now, because my life is so very interesting, this had not been all and there was yet more to happen to complete my innocent late night outing.
After exiting Denny's, my friend and I were walking towards his car but curiosity got the best of me so I walked ahead of the passenger side of the car to investigate the ground to see if there were any traces left of this business exchange we had witnessed.
The guys sitting in the table behind began us suddenly stopped to look at me walking around investigating. After seeing this, I stopped and got back into my friend's car but the guys kept staring - but then the guy with his back to the car also got up to get a better visual of where I was and what I had been doing. In slight embarrassment and wanting to be out of their line of sight, I buried my head in my hands then hunched over in my seat as my friend started his car and began to pull out...not realizing the further impact it would have. I only dug myself deeper because now the guys could not stop staring at all and were trying to see why I had suddenly disappeared out of sight into the lower half of the vehicle which probably kicked their own imagination into high gear resulting in many many impure thoughts. My only consolation is "thank god they didn't catch that on camera"
The other incident that I recall was when I used to go to art/design school and resided in downtown Oakland. Most shops and restaurants would shut down pretty early because Oakland didn't have a good reputation, but there used to be a quaint little retro-themed bakery/restaurant/ice cream parlor across on the other side of Lake Merrit. It was creatively called Lake Meritt Bakery and was located some minutes away. One night at 1.30/2am, my distraught friend who needed to talk drove over and we went to Lake Merrit bakery to continue our conversation. There were no other customers seated there apart from him and myself, and this other eccentrically dress pimp daddy guy seated diagonally behind my friend out of his line of sight.
As my friend was speaking and I was eating, I notice in my peripheral vision that PimpDaddy was engaged in some quick up/down motions being made beneath the table by his left hand. I tried very hard to focus on what my friend was saying and not PimpDaddy but it was tough but in this case I didn't bother interrupting my friend because he was on a roll. Some moments later, PimpDaddy got up and exited the premises.
And if only I could have a dime for all the times I've seen a woman (or what appeared to be woman-like) in the front passenger side bent over a guy in the drivers' side of the vehicle...I would be considerably richer.
So you see? Clearly I am a magnet for these instances of witness late night kinkyness in public spaces.
Not even the TV is safe. In one of the rarest rare occassions that I was watching TV at home, I was trying to flip through the channels to find something worth watching while waiting for a show to start. Suddenly my then 14 year old brother walks into the room and asks what am I watching. So I said "I'm flipping through the channels trying to find something" and as I proceeded to flip through the channels...I kid you not - right then, I flip through all sorts of inappropriate scenes. It was like all the channels on TV at that moment in time were suddenly showing some inappropriate soft porn sexual content.
Very awkward.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Business is Business
I came across an post made by a girl regarding her coworker
"Sometimes I think people need to mind their own business. Live and let live without fucking others over. My co-workers snitched on me. I called in sick yesterday because I was out too late and felt like crap in the morning. One of them told my supervisor that I was out partying last night so it's probably why I didn't come in. It's a new job so obviously they don't know me well enough to know it's not something I do regularly"
Not to advocate for taking days off if you've been partying all night the evening before but once in awhile it's necessary to take some time off. It's only natural - and we should not have to feel guilty about it.
And actually...her post reminded me about one of the biggest eye-opening lessons that I've learned in the past 2 years:
Never trust your coworkers 100%.
(Of course, there are always exceptions, rare rare exceptions at that)
Now before I am regarded as someone with bitter cynical views...which I probably do regarding certain matters, let me explain as concisely as possible.
Most workplace environments innately carry a lot of political drama because of competition. It's a place where everyone is trying to "shine" and display themselves as being worthy of moving up. So when there is a question of interest, theirs will always come first. Naturally. If an opportunity presents itself where they can shine..even if it meant muddying up your own shine, well, don't assume that they are "too good of a person" or that "you two are too good of friends" as to not take advantage of such opportunities. Suddenly that person you thought was "alright" and whom you were buddybuddy with has done the unthinkable and unhesitantly ratted you out. They are absolutely under no obligation to keep your information confidential - no, not even morally. So think twice before you decide to follow through with this because the saying "Keep private matters out of the workplace" is there for a good reason.
And you know what? Management loves this. LOVES! Why? This type of behavior is generally encouraged because this carries a great deal of benefits.
A) People become more competitive, thus motivating others who of course don't want to appear to be any lesser in which case, performance reviews/promotions/job security in general may be jeopardized. Duh.
B) The gloves come off and the claws come out, which means that management gets the juicy details about what's going on behind the curtains. Everything from personal life stories to the veritable "who was to blame" for whatever assignment as gone astray or missed a deadline for whatever reason. Most people wouldn't really hesitate to share others' information with management if they are trying to establish a 'hey, i'm trustworthy" connection with the manager whose words in the next review could result in a promotion? So don't be surprised by a convenient excuse this later on such as a "What could I do? How could I lie to them! I can't lie to the manager."
Be weary of people who engage in small talk and particularly the subtle manipulative ways in which they try to whittle the information out of you without disclosing their own. An analogy of this would be that you are playing poker yourself, a colleague, and a manager and the colleague is basically trying to figure out your cards without disclosing their own of course. It gives them more leverage over you in the game. Similarly, within a workplace environment. Simple as that.
This probably seems like common sense, but it's amazing at how frequently this occurs and how frequently people unsuspectingly fall victim to these basic dynamics within a workplace. Admittedly, as someone with high expections, idealistic optimistic outlook, and moral inclinations, I myself have not only beared witness to these, but I have also been unpleasantly surprised by the revelation of a coworkers' true character. Don't get me wrong or become overly paranoid about "everyone's out to get you" because of course, there are exceptions but to be safe, its best that you wait and get to know your coworkers real well before you disclose much else. Just be as well balanced as you can possibly be to remain as a professional.
As for my personal experiences in the past few years...well, let's just say that I'm glad I came to learn about the true characters of some the people I at one point highly valued as coworkers but it has not completely shattered my faith in people strangely enough. I was so impressed by the facade they created and carried for over a year that I worked with them. Here's a summary of what happened - which I'm going to give a fair warning about because it probably isn't going to be as short and concise as I would like it to be :P:
Intense Lessons with Business Matters (so far)
After graduating college, I was amongst the first 4 to join a startup in its very early stage. I was the only designer within the US office at that point, very determined and eager to get the job done and very friendly to my colleagues with genuine interest in supporting them and nurturing them. The CEO was an Indian fellow with more than just a highly abrasive personality...he was the kind who felt he was above the law and could get away with conducting unethical business even if it meant he had to do something illegal - and believe me, I am not exaggerating... Charging clients' credit cards without authorization from the client, not delivering what was promised to the clients within the contract, not answering to clients when they needed answers as to why their project deliverables are 2 months late (something that he went behind my back and instructed the oversea development teams to purposefully delay the deliverables past the expected deadline), etc.
Though my own job was not ever threatened, I had a nice office, a regular paycheck, a position of many responsibilities which developed into a management level position over time, most people probably would think that it should have been enough and what more can anyone ask for? However, I could not stand the fact that I was supporting a business run by a guy like him who felt it was fine to exploit not only employees, but clients as well. I could not put my own personal reputation at risk as a professional by being involved with him or that company, and I simply could not be happy with myself knowing that I supported a guy like that.
But could I leave my clients and colleagues hanging in that situation and just go escape into another job? Was it possible that this would change later? These were complex questions, and of course, I was not going to leave clients hanging with their projects unfinished, nor was I going to bail on my colleagues. Who else would keep junk food always stocked in their office or bring a box of warm gooey chocolate cookies fresh from the oven when everyone was stressed? Not to mention my personal attachment to the company which I helped build which reminded me of my own dreams from early college years to start a design oriented business based within the US and India so of course I grabbed at the opportunity to experience something similar when it presented itself to me after I graduated. I ultimately decided to stick around for a few more months to see if things improved before I made my final decision.
Let me paint a quick picture as to just one of the many ways he was exploiting his employees: During the final 7 months that I was working there, no one from the sales team of 15 people had received any checks for the commissions that they worked hard to earn and were making do with a measly base salary nowhere suited for the living costs within the Bay Area. Finally it came to a point where they were even denied a copy of their commission statements even if they personally requested it, let alone a check and this led many to leave of course. The CEO didn't mind because he saw this revolving door as a means of saving money. He could hire new people and invest the time in training them. So what?
Finally, myself and some of the former colleagues who were sales people became involved in a separate business venture led by a guy, P, who everyone including myself thought very highly of. P was one of the original 4 employees during the early phases and he was the contrasting nice supportive generous friendly trustworthy manager to the CEO's abrasive bad cop image. We formed what we all had thought to be a great concept that we wanted to pursue where we finally had the power to do things the "right way" and exceed the expectations of our clients. P had given everyone the impression that VC funds were in place, which later was changed to "on the way". As our own fault for having over trusted him, we did not question what he said and were not more demanding about the officialized paperwork which we were told was being created by an attorney. He opened a business account under his own name and only he had access to this. Keep this in mind, because it applies in what's to follow.
Many of the well-performing sales people left the former company to join this venture thinking that this was their opportunity to do good ethical business which was going to proove to be more profitable to them, and of course, where they would not be treated unethically. Some of these sales people were well in their 40s, had families, and almost everyone had no one else to support them. I myself trusted P a lot and was so determined to make this venture materialize into a profitable business that even though the VC funds were still not yet in place. Since I was the only designer again, and the only individual with a regular paycheck, I let P know that if my regular salary paycheck was late by a bit in order to make sure other business overhead costs were covered, then I would be alright with that and that he could pay me a bit later. Big mistake. 1 missed paycheck turned into 5 and 2 of which had been deposited into my account by P himself...but bounced and risked complicating my own personal relationship with my bank.
The first time the paycheck P deposited into my account showed up in my account 2 days later, but then the disappeared my account after another 3 days. I was confused as to what just happened, what did it mean, why didn't the check clear the way it was supposed . I inquired P, who just told me not to worry and reassured me that there had been enough funds in the business account so he had no idea why the check was not clearing. 2 weeks later when the bank reprocessed the check and it still did not clear, it was confirmed that there had not been sufficient funds in the account and P profusely apologized saying that somehow someone else's check that he deposited into his account had given a faulty impression that there were enough funds in the business account, that it was his fault for not being more attentive, and it would never happen again.
My bank has a policy where it if a check bounces the first time, then it will rerun the check 8 days later giving their clients little to no power to cancel it. After the 8 days have passed, if the check still bounces, then they charge you the amount of the check along with a fee. It also doesn't reflect very well on credit, but anyway....I managed to talk to my bank and have them waive this after explaining what happened. I also let P know that I would prefer if he could give me the money in cash as opposed to depositing a check. The second time this occured was when he blatantly ignored this request and deposited yet another check which bounced. Then shortly after this happened, he went absolutely missing. It was as if he literally had dropped out of the face of the planet. Suddenly he was not taking or returning anyone's calls, he was not replying to emails, and literally left people who had been involved in this venture hanging. People who valued him and trusted him greatly after having worked over a year with him.
This all occurred earlier this year in a time when the economy was not doing so well, and still isn't...which meant that finding a job shortly after this incident. Moreover, the sales industry in the US is not reliable or even ethical these days as people tend to take advantage of the sales people by not offering an adequate base salary, and then despite initially statint that the sales people would earn 10-15% of the sale made as commissions, they would proceed to cap the commission after it went past a particular numeric amount so sales people don't even get paid the full amount of what was rightfully their commission. The sales industry also is not kind to people in their 40s despite the level of experience they have and often prefers to hire young right out of college graduates whom they keep around for 2-3 years, then lay off, and repeat.
As if this disappointing turn of events wasn't enough, another 2 people who were design and business directors hired after me in the former company both of whom had suddenly resigned without a warning (before I left the former company) in order to work on a private venture by themselves seemed to have trouble earning sales.
Despite knowing what had transpired at the former company along with this suddenly failed business venture with the sales people who were now in dire need of a job with a steady paycheck to support themselves, these two former directors incessantly tried any/every line and trick they had to convince some of the sales people to join their own venture. Of course, no base salary or paycheck, unless they made a sale. The sales people did speak to them, as they had limited, and even explained very politely why they could not take a job without a steady paycheck, but this did not hinder these two. After discovering the fact that I had remained in pretty solid touch with some of the high performer sales people along with a few individuals from the oversea teams in India, they began to aggressively use other tactics to try to get myself involved or where they were suddenly trying to help me find a position at reputable company. Of course, I realized that their aggressiveness to suddenly be "generous Mother Teresa" obviously had an underlying selfish motive and probably wanted to use me as a means to convince the others to join.
All of these events took place within a matter of 2-3 months and were a very rude, but necessary awakening. Fortunately, any clients made in the failed venture were taken care of personally by myself and 2 of the sales people involved and the brighter side of the situation is that the disappointment occurred so early else it would have have been detrimental to our own personal reputations. Another bright side was that it taught me many many lessons which will serve me for years to come in my future endeavors. Lessons on how different people can be in character from what you perceive of them initially, and of course, in how to conduct legit ethical business where compromises should not be made. Never assume that your trusting well intentioned actions that you take on good faith will be met in the same way because they probably won't. Verbal agreements are not sufficient, and if they really care about you as much as you care about them, then they will not mind making the extra bit of effort in making sure EVERYTHING is documented on paper for that nice professional official touch.
So clearly as expected, my summary wasn't as short as I had hoped it would be but leaving out the details would have made it incomplete and I truly hope these words help someone make better decisions professionally without having to go through similar unpleasant surprises later down the line.
As for the failed business venture, once I have secured a stable job and regained my financial stability, I am more determined than ever to reapproach it myself with support from a few of the colleagues who kindly supported me during the tough times just as I did my best to support them.
"Sometimes I think people need to mind their own business. Live and let live without fucking others over. My co-workers snitched on me. I called in sick yesterday because I was out too late and felt like crap in the morning. One of them told my supervisor that I was out partying last night so it's probably why I didn't come in. It's a new job so obviously they don't know me well enough to know it's not something I do regularly"
Not to advocate for taking days off if you've been partying all night the evening before but once in awhile it's necessary to take some time off. It's only natural - and we should not have to feel guilty about it.
And actually...her post reminded me about one of the biggest eye-opening lessons that I've learned in the past 2 years:
(Of course, there are always exceptions, rare rare exceptions at that)
Now before I am regarded as someone with bitter cynical views...which I probably do regarding certain matters, let me explain as concisely as possible.
Most workplace environments innately carry a lot of political drama because of competition. It's a place where everyone is trying to "shine" and display themselves as being worthy of moving up. So when there is a question of interest, theirs will always come first. Naturally. If an opportunity presents itself where they can shine..even if it meant muddying up your own shine, well, don't assume that they are "too good of a person" or that "you two are too good of friends" as to not take advantage of such opportunities. Suddenly that person you thought was "alright" and whom you were buddybuddy with has done the unthinkable and unhesitantly ratted you out. They are absolutely under no obligation to keep your information confidential - no, not even morally. So think twice before you decide to follow through with this because the saying "Keep private matters out of the workplace" is there for a good reason.
And you know what? Management loves this. LOVES! Why? This type of behavior is generally encouraged because this carries a great deal of benefits.
A) People become more competitive, thus motivating others who of course don't want to appear to be any lesser in which case, performance reviews/promotions/job security in general may be jeopardized. Duh.
B) The gloves come off and the claws come out, which means that management gets the juicy details about what's going on behind the curtains. Everything from personal life stories to the veritable "who was to blame" for whatever assignment as gone astray or missed a deadline for whatever reason. Most people wouldn't really hesitate to share others' information with management if they are trying to establish a 'hey, i'm trustworthy" connection with the manager whose words in the next review could result in a promotion? So don't be surprised by a convenient excuse this later on such as a "What could I do? How could I lie to them! I can't lie to the manager."
Be weary of people who engage in small talk and particularly the subtle manipulative ways in which they try to whittle the information out of you without disclosing their own. An analogy of this would be that you are playing poker yourself, a colleague, and a manager and the colleague is basically trying to figure out your cards without disclosing their own of course. It gives them more leverage over you in the game. Similarly, within a workplace environment. Simple as that.
This probably seems like common sense, but it's amazing at how frequently this occurs and how frequently people unsuspectingly fall victim to these basic dynamics within a workplace. Admittedly, as someone with high expections, idealistic optimistic outlook, and moral inclinations, I myself have not only beared witness to these, but I have also been unpleasantly surprised by the revelation of a coworkers' true character. Don't get me wrong or become overly paranoid about "everyone's out to get you" because of course, there are exceptions but to be safe, its best that you wait and get to know your coworkers real well before you disclose much else. Just be as well balanced as you can possibly be to remain as a professional.
As for my personal experiences in the past few years...well, let's just say that I'm glad I came to learn about the true characters of some the people I at one point highly valued as coworkers but it has not completely shattered my faith in people strangely enough. I was so impressed by the facade they created and carried for over a year that I worked with them. Here's a summary of what happened - which I'm going to give a fair warning about because it probably isn't going to be as short and concise as I would like it to be :P:
Intense Lessons with Business Matters (so far)
After graduating college, I was amongst the first 4 to join a startup in its very early stage. I was the only designer within the US office at that point, very determined and eager to get the job done and very friendly to my colleagues with genuine interest in supporting them and nurturing them. The CEO was an Indian fellow with more than just a highly abrasive personality...he was the kind who felt he was above the law and could get away with conducting unethical business even if it meant he had to do something illegal - and believe me, I am not exaggerating... Charging clients' credit cards without authorization from the client, not delivering what was promised to the clients within the contract, not answering to clients when they needed answers as to why their project deliverables are 2 months late (something that he went behind my back and instructed the oversea development teams to purposefully delay the deliverables past the expected deadline), etc.
Though my own job was not ever threatened, I had a nice office, a regular paycheck, a position of many responsibilities which developed into a management level position over time, most people probably would think that it should have been enough and what more can anyone ask for? However, I could not stand the fact that I was supporting a business run by a guy like him who felt it was fine to exploit not only employees, but clients as well. I could not put my own personal reputation at risk as a professional by being involved with him or that company, and I simply could not be happy with myself knowing that I supported a guy like that.
But could I leave my clients and colleagues hanging in that situation and just go escape into another job? Was it possible that this would change later? These were complex questions, and of course, I was not going to leave clients hanging with their projects unfinished, nor was I going to bail on my colleagues. Who else would keep junk food always stocked in their office or bring a box of warm gooey chocolate cookies fresh from the oven when everyone was stressed? Not to mention my personal attachment to the company which I helped build which reminded me of my own dreams from early college years to start a design oriented business based within the US and India so of course I grabbed at the opportunity to experience something similar when it presented itself to me after I graduated. I ultimately decided to stick around for a few more months to see if things improved before I made my final decision.
Let me paint a quick picture as to just one of the many ways he was exploiting his employees: During the final 7 months that I was working there, no one from the sales team of 15 people had received any checks for the commissions that they worked hard to earn and were making do with a measly base salary nowhere suited for the living costs within the Bay Area. Finally it came to a point where they were even denied a copy of their commission statements even if they personally requested it, let alone a check and this led many to leave of course. The CEO didn't mind because he saw this revolving door as a means of saving money. He could hire new people and invest the time in training them. So what?
Finally, myself and some of the former colleagues who were sales people became involved in a separate business venture led by a guy, P, who everyone including myself thought very highly of. P was one of the original 4 employees during the early phases and he was the contrasting nice supportive generous friendly trustworthy manager to the CEO's abrasive bad cop image. We formed what we all had thought to be a great concept that we wanted to pursue where we finally had the power to do things the "right way" and exceed the expectations of our clients. P had given everyone the impression that VC funds were in place, which later was changed to "on the way". As our own fault for having over trusted him, we did not question what he said and were not more demanding about the officialized paperwork which we were told was being created by an attorney. He opened a business account under his own name and only he had access to this. Keep this in mind, because it applies in what's to follow.
Many of the well-performing sales people left the former company to join this venture thinking that this was their opportunity to do good ethical business which was going to proove to be more profitable to them, and of course, where they would not be treated unethically. Some of these sales people were well in their 40s, had families, and almost everyone had no one else to support them. I myself trusted P a lot and was so determined to make this venture materialize into a profitable business that even though the VC funds were still not yet in place. Since I was the only designer again, and the only individual with a regular paycheck, I let P know that if my regular salary paycheck was late by a bit in order to make sure other business overhead costs were covered, then I would be alright with that and that he could pay me a bit later. Big mistake. 1 missed paycheck turned into 5 and 2 of which had been deposited into my account by P himself...but bounced and risked complicating my own personal relationship with my bank.
The first time the paycheck P deposited into my account showed up in my account 2 days later, but then the disappeared my account after another 3 days. I was confused as to what just happened, what did it mean, why didn't the check clear the way it was supposed . I inquired P, who just told me not to worry and reassured me that there had been enough funds in the business account so he had no idea why the check was not clearing. 2 weeks later when the bank reprocessed the check and it still did not clear, it was confirmed that there had not been sufficient funds in the account and P profusely apologized saying that somehow someone else's check that he deposited into his account had given a faulty impression that there were enough funds in the business account, that it was his fault for not being more attentive, and it would never happen again.
My bank has a policy where it if a check bounces the first time, then it will rerun the check 8 days later giving their clients little to no power to cancel it. After the 8 days have passed, if the check still bounces, then they charge you the amount of the check along with a fee. It also doesn't reflect very well on credit, but anyway....I managed to talk to my bank and have them waive this after explaining what happened. I also let P know that I would prefer if he could give me the money in cash as opposed to depositing a check. The second time this occured was when he blatantly ignored this request and deposited yet another check which bounced. Then shortly after this happened, he went absolutely missing. It was as if he literally had dropped out of the face of the planet. Suddenly he was not taking or returning anyone's calls, he was not replying to emails, and literally left people who had been involved in this venture hanging. People who valued him and trusted him greatly after having worked over a year with him.
This all occurred earlier this year in a time when the economy was not doing so well, and still isn't...which meant that finding a job shortly after this incident. Moreover, the sales industry in the US is not reliable or even ethical these days as people tend to take advantage of the sales people by not offering an adequate base salary, and then despite initially statint that the sales people would earn 10-15% of the sale made as commissions, they would proceed to cap the commission after it went past a particular numeric amount so sales people don't even get paid the full amount of what was rightfully their commission. The sales industry also is not kind to people in their 40s despite the level of experience they have and often prefers to hire young right out of college graduates whom they keep around for 2-3 years, then lay off, and repeat.
As if this disappointing turn of events wasn't enough, another 2 people who were design and business directors hired after me in the former company both of whom had suddenly resigned without a warning (before I left the former company) in order to work on a private venture by themselves seemed to have trouble earning sales.
Despite knowing what had transpired at the former company along with this suddenly failed business venture with the sales people who were now in dire need of a job with a steady paycheck to support themselves, these two former directors incessantly tried any/every line and trick they had to convince some of the sales people to join their own venture. Of course, no base salary or paycheck, unless they made a sale. The sales people did speak to them, as they had limited, and even explained very politely why they could not take a job without a steady paycheck, but this did not hinder these two. After discovering the fact that I had remained in pretty solid touch with some of the high performer sales people along with a few individuals from the oversea teams in India, they began to aggressively use other tactics to try to get myself involved or where they were suddenly trying to help me find a position at reputable company. Of course, I realized that their aggressiveness to suddenly be "generous Mother Teresa" obviously had an underlying selfish motive and probably wanted to use me as a means to convince the others to join.
All of these events took place within a matter of 2-3 months and were a very rude, but necessary awakening. Fortunately, any clients made in the failed venture were taken care of personally by myself and 2 of the sales people involved and the brighter side of the situation is that the disappointment occurred so early else it would have have been detrimental to our own personal reputations. Another bright side was that it taught me many many lessons which will serve me for years to come in my future endeavors. Lessons on how different people can be in character from what you perceive of them initially, and of course, in how to conduct legit ethical business where compromises should not be made. Never assume that your trusting well intentioned actions that you take on good faith will be met in the same way because they probably won't. Verbal agreements are not sufficient, and if they really care about you as much as you care about them, then they will not mind making the extra bit of effort in making sure EVERYTHING is documented on paper for that nice professional official touch.
So clearly as expected, my summary wasn't as short as I had hoped it would be but leaving out the details would have made it incomplete and I truly hope these words help someone make better decisions professionally without having to go through similar unpleasant surprises later down the line.
As for the failed business venture, once I have secured a stable job and regained my financial stability, I am more determined than ever to reapproach it myself with support from a few of the colleagues who kindly supported me during the tough times just as I did my best to support them.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Resuming with a Fresh Outlook
After a very long time, I've finally gathered the motivation and determination necessary to write a blog again. My previous blog - Attitudes are Contagious was kept for over a period of 2 years and it contains many memorable bits and pieces of my life along with more trivial things such as poems.
What came to my attention later was the sheer range of people who were reading that blog and how many of them misconstrued the postings within that blog to be something else. Here would be an example:
My previous blog included entries with numerous poems and song lyrics - both of which were written for a Poetry Class. Yet, coincidentally, I came to find out later that people who dug up my blog (such as an ex's significant other or even my own significant other) misinterpreted these poems to be regarding my ex even though chronologically speaking - these poems were written far before that particular relationship was concluded.
I found this revelation to be slightly surprising and slightly humorous because it made me realize that just as much as people love to speculate even with limited information by filling in the unknown by using their imaginations. I've considered including a disclaimer with each entry this time but what would it say? This bit stumps me.
DISCLAIMER: Assume with caution
CAUTION: DO NOT feed inaccurate interpretations with speculation of limited details
But then I realize that despite disclaimers, people will proceed to bend things in a way they would like to see them and would wish to believe - and this is something that I cannot influence.
Now then, onto more intriguing matters - Why have I titled this blog Noetic Rogue? What does noetic mean?
no·et·ic
/noʊˈɛtɪk/noh-et-ik (adjective)
1. of or pertaining to the mind.
2. originating in or apprehended by the reason.
rogue
/roʊg/rohg (noun, adjective)
1. a dishonest, knavish person; scoundrel.
2. a playfully mischievous person; scamp: The youngest boys are little rogues.
3. a tramp or vagabond.
4. a rogue elephant or other animal of similar disposition.
5. Biology. a usually inferior organism, esp. a plant, varying markedly from the normal. –verb (used without object)
6. to live or act as a rogue. –verb (used with object)
7. to cheat.
8. to uproot or destroy (plants, etc., that do not conform to a desired standard).
9. to perform this operation upon: to rogue a field. –adjective
10. (of an animal) having an abnormally savage or unpredictable disposition, as a rogue elephant. 11. no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable; deviating, renegade: a rogue cop; a rogue union local.
The reason behind the careful selection of this careful paradox is as follows:
As most personal affiliates are aware of my mischevious, spontaneous personality which has earned me the alias of Rogue, there has always been an underlying morally-driven aspect to my mean streak. The last few years have brought with them an abundance of realizations and truths about myself, people around me, and human nature in general.
It is interesting for me to observe, evaluate, and reflect on these incidents to find patterns. One of the most frequent patterns that I noticed - a quality...nay a flaw in many people that often disappointed me and additionally served as a flag of deeper issues was the inability of some folks to lay aside their emotions/ego/pride aside to do the right reasonable thing. Instead they made decisions which didn't go very well, that even they cannot seem to justify or understand.
I write with the hopes that perhaps these thoughts - these words which I send out may be of use to someone else in understanding that they are not alone - that even though many people may not be who or what you expect them to be - that there are always wiser ways of going about the decisions which take place both during and after these encounters.
What came to my attention later was the sheer range of people who were reading that blog and how many of them misconstrued the postings within that blog to be something else. Here would be an example:
My previous blog included entries with numerous poems and song lyrics - both of which were written for a Poetry Class. Yet, coincidentally, I came to find out later that people who dug up my blog (such as an ex's significant other or even my own significant other) misinterpreted these poems to be regarding my ex even though chronologically speaking - these poems were written far before that particular relationship was concluded.
I found this revelation to be slightly surprising and slightly humorous because it made me realize that just as much as people love to speculate even with limited information by filling in the unknown by using their imaginations. I've considered including a disclaimer with each entry this time but what would it say? This bit stumps me.
DISCLAIMER: Assume with caution
CAUTION: DO NOT feed inaccurate interpretations with speculation of limited details
But then I realize that despite disclaimers, people will proceed to bend things in a way they would like to see them and would wish to believe - and this is something that I cannot influence.
Now then, onto more intriguing matters - Why have I titled this blog Noetic Rogue? What does noetic mean?
no·et·ic
/noʊˈɛtɪk/noh-et-ik (adjective)
1. of or pertaining to the mind.
2. originating in or apprehended by the reason.
rogue
/roʊg/rohg (noun, adjective)
1. a dishonest, knavish person; scoundrel.
2. a playfully mischievous person; scamp: The youngest boys are little rogues.
3. a tramp or vagabond.
4. a rogue elephant or other animal of similar disposition.
5. Biology. a usually inferior organism, esp. a plant, varying markedly from the normal. –verb (used without object)
6. to live or act as a rogue. –verb (used with object)
7. to cheat.
8. to uproot or destroy (plants, etc., that do not conform to a desired standard).
9. to perform this operation upon: to rogue a field. –adjective
10. (of an animal) having an abnormally savage or unpredictable disposition, as a rogue elephant. 11. no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable; deviating, renegade: a rogue cop; a rogue union local.
The reason behind the careful selection of this careful paradox is as follows:
As most personal affiliates are aware of my mischevious, spontaneous personality which has earned me the alias of Rogue, there has always been an underlying morally-driven aspect to my mean streak. The last few years have brought with them an abundance of realizations and truths about myself, people around me, and human nature in general.
It is interesting for me to observe, evaluate, and reflect on these incidents to find patterns. One of the most frequent patterns that I noticed - a quality...nay a flaw in many people that often disappointed me and additionally served as a flag of deeper issues was the inability of some folks to lay aside their emotions/ego/pride aside to do the right reasonable thing. Instead they made decisions which didn't go very well, that even they cannot seem to justify or understand.
I write with the hopes that perhaps these thoughts - these words which I send out may be of use to someone else in understanding that they are not alone - that even though many people may not be who or what you expect them to be - that there are always wiser ways of going about the decisions which take place both during and after these encounters.
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