An excerpt from Atma-Shatakam, by Swami Viditatmananda which I thought was an interesting read. However, while it holds truth, there are of course aspects of it that I don't completely agree with or perhaps it's because there could have been a larger emphasis placed on what occurs if both attachment and love are at play because in the manner that it's written, it can be interpreted as being mutually-exclusive.
Rāga is attachment. What is attachment? Attachment is the feeling that I cannot do without something. If I cannot do without a cup of tea, it can be said that I am attached to tea. It is one thing to use a car, for instance, but it is another thing to be attached to it.
Attachment makes me dependent. You must learn to distinguish between love and attachment. I am attached to my son, if I cannot do without my son. In attachment there is dependence, there is demand, and there is hurt. I love someone, and that someone does not love me in return. If my love also evaporates, “Why should I bother, if she does not care?”, then it is an example of attachment, not love. There can also be disappointment in attachment. “I did so much for her, but she does not care for me at all!” That means that there is an expectation of reward for what I have done. In love, there is joy in giving. When you enjoy giving, you don’t care whether it is returned or not. If you give and you expect something in return, then your joy depends upon what is returned, and not in giving. In love, there is happiness in the very act of offering
Do not worry whether the other person returns the favor or not; this is pure love. This is what we have to ultimately accomplish in our lives. Attachment is a problem because there is always a possibility of disappointment. We think that we love people, but very often, we love our own likes and dislikes. Someone who fits into my structure of likes and dislikes becomes an object of my love. The moment that person does not satisfy my likes and dislikes, I can let him go his own way. This is what we call conditional love. In love there is freedom; in attachment there is bondage. Most of what we have is likely to be attachment because we are often disappointed in our relationships. “Why did he say this? Why didn’t he do this?” Whenever you are hurt, it is not love. It is attachment because the other person failed to meet your expectation.
Usually our relationships are characterized by likes and dislikes, rāga and dveùa. I like something that satisfies my fancies, and I dislike something if it does not satisfy my fancies. Here it is said that likes and dislikes are not mine, na me rāga-dveùa. Then who do they belong to? They belong to the mind. Rāga is a condition of the mind and dveùa is also a condition of the mind. One can become free from all sense of guilt and all sense of hurt by contemplating on this fact that the rāga and dveùa are not mine. I am not rāga. I am not dveùa either. There is no rāga or dveùa in me. Neither do they belong to me. If you love someone, love them for who they are, not for what you want them to be.
Rāga is attachment. What is attachment? Attachment is the feeling that I cannot do without something. If I cannot do without a cup of tea, it can be said that I am attached to tea. It is one thing to use a car, for instance, but it is another thing to be attached to it.
Attachment makes me dependent. You must learn to distinguish between love and attachment. I am attached to my son, if I cannot do without my son. In attachment there is dependence, there is demand, and there is hurt. I love someone, and that someone does not love me in return. If my love also evaporates, “Why should I bother, if she does not care?”, then it is an example of attachment, not love. There can also be disappointment in attachment. “I did so much for her, but she does not care for me at all!” That means that there is an expectation of reward for what I have done. In love, there is joy in giving. When you enjoy giving, you don’t care whether it is returned or not. If you give and you expect something in return, then your joy depends upon what is returned, and not in giving. In love, there is happiness in the very act of offering
Do not worry whether the other person returns the favor or not; this is pure love. This is what we have to ultimately accomplish in our lives. Attachment is a problem because there is always a possibility of disappointment. We think that we love people, but very often, we love our own likes and dislikes. Someone who fits into my structure of likes and dislikes becomes an object of my love. The moment that person does not satisfy my likes and dislikes, I can let him go his own way. This is what we call conditional love. In love there is freedom; in attachment there is bondage. Most of what we have is likely to be attachment because we are often disappointed in our relationships. “Why did he say this? Why didn’t he do this?” Whenever you are hurt, it is not love. It is attachment because the other person failed to meet your expectation.
Usually our relationships are characterized by likes and dislikes, rāga and dveùa. I like something that satisfies my fancies, and I dislike something if it does not satisfy my fancies. Here it is said that likes and dislikes are not mine, na me rāga-dveùa. Then who do they belong to? They belong to the mind. Rāga is a condition of the mind and dveùa is also a condition of the mind. One can become free from all sense of guilt and all sense of hurt by contemplating on this fact that the rāga and dveùa are not mine. I am not rāga. I am not dveùa either. There is no rāga or dveùa in me. Neither do they belong to me. If you love someone, love them for who they are, not for what you want them to be.
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